Still miserable.
Still don't know what to do with my life.
Very convinced that I was born with the wrong sex organs, in the wrong century.

(no subject)
So...I'd really like to start a jewelery making business. Right now I'm looking at potential suppliers and start up costs. I'm hoping that I can get one of those sweet-ass government grants that they give to Northerners and people under 30. It seems that being young and living in the middle of nowhere may have its benefits.

Everything seems stupid to me
Do you ever wonder what the point is? I know what the point used to be. In the mid 19th century, the world was just opening up and everyone was going out in search of the promise land. It was a time of adventure and for anyone who had the balls and wanderlust to leave what they knew and find their own way and their own place in the world. What has happened to our wonderful, unexplored, uncertain world of adventure? Nowadays you can't do anything without first filling out some paperwork, writing several essays, getting some references and a credit check, paying a bunch of money for some extra qualifications and licenses, going through several interviews, psych and drug tests, and finishing it all off by balancing on a ball while doing fire poi and giving a blow job to a white man in a $3000 suit and a pair of Prada shoes shined up like black mirrors.
Now I don't know about you...but I often find myself wondering why I'm even here. Why would anyone bother bringing me into this world when it is so painfully obvious that there is hardly anything left for us? What could I possibly hope to achieve when I'm competing with billions of others hoping to achieve similar goals of finding a job that pays well enough so that they might support themselves and hope to retire before the age of 70? It's seems to be expected of me to go out into the world, find some mediocre path, make money, spend money, get married, pump out babies, consume, consume, consume, die.
I feel cheated. Don't you? Where is my adventure? I was in school until I was 24. I was told that school was important, that it would get me a job so that I could start a life for myself. After all the time that I spent doing the things that others told me to do so that I could reach some magical career-path light at the end of the tunnel, what do you think happened? NOTHING! There aren't any jobs out there! Why do I need one anyway? For money? What is money? It's something we made up! It's not real....Why does it govern everything we do?  Why do I have to live as a slave to money? I never asked for this. I don't understand why I am made to compete with 200 other people for one minimum wage position that will never lead me anywhere yet I still have to jump through hoops, say all the right things, and put on a performance only to be fired two weeks later for not smiling enough. Why exactly should I be smiling? Why should I have to accept that 'that's just life' and 'everyone else has to do it' so I do do too? Screw everyone else! I'm not everyone else! I demand my fucking adventure! I demand to do as I please and find my own path. Why are any of us even here if we are not allowed to do that? I don't understand. I don't get it. Everything seems stupid to me.


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